You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
