What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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