How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
