This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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