It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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