my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
