better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
