she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
