we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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