Jerry, you need to find god
time to smoke my breakfast
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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