I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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