My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize