I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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