you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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