I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
