It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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