totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
