Swine flu. Run for my life!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
