Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
