I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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