My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
