She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm at about main and main street
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
