Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
