im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
