If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
