she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
