do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
