unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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