did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
