Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
