he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
