did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
