Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
