i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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