i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Semen is not good for contacts.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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