The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
