Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
