I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Someone shattered a urinal.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
