Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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