I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
