I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
