You really coming over, don't trick.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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