I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
