i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
