Can Purell be used as lube?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
