I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
