O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
