I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize