I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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