Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
how does that bad decision feel?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
