Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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