god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
