Me. At least after what I've been through.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
