Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
