I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
