I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
