No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
