Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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