Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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