PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
