If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize