I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
