4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize