and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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