He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
