i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
