the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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