Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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